I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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