I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
