I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
