I think my fart just growled at me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
