arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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