You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
