so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
