Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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