The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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