Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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