Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I want her autograph on my taint
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
