a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
