I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
