I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
