He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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