I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He felt like a one man threesome
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
