i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm passing your future prison.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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