This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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