stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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