Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize