So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you made out with another girl for some wings
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
