i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
