i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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