just tell him i said nine months
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
