Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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