I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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