More tranny stories later!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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