If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
