Well apparently he's into motor boating.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
