the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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