Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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