Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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