My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
