I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
