i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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