if you like me you must not know who I am
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
