Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize