I bet he comes in French.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
