he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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