did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
