I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
