I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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