Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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