these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
