Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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