So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
