I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
