I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
