Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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