highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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