there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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