I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
