i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
