I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize