I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
