she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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