The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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