hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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