we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
