I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
