What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
