god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
