We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
