The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
