We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
