the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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