i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
