I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
