haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
