It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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