so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize