I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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