Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
