Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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