I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
