I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I don't deserve a penis
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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