If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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