don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
