I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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