fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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