I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
