Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
