There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
