Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
