Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
