It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
