I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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