I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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