I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
