This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
