Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
