I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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