Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my phone needs a breathalizer
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
