I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
