Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
