oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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