3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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