If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
