Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
