I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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