I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
