Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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