Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm having to shit out rocks
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