It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You ruined the universe
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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