I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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