First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
